“You may have to consider terminating the pregnancy.”
This was the last thing I was expecting to hear at my 20-week ultrasound.
On April 16th I was scheduled to have the standard anatomy scan that most expectant moms get between 18-22 weeks. Nick couldn’t attend due to Covid-19 precautions, but for moral support he drove me to the appointment and planned to wait in the car.
I was surprised at how quickly the ultrasound tech finished my scan— it took just about 20 minutes. She left the room and told me a doctor would be in to quickly look at me again and during that time I could call my husband on Facetime.
FYI my regular OB-GYN doesn’t offer ultrasounds—all patients have to get scans and genetic counseling done at a nearby perinatal clinic that has the technology and staff to do advanced testing. My last ultrasound at this clinic was very impersonal and I found the vibe of the office and staff cold and off-putting, but I didn’t dwell on it because I knew I would only have to go there for a few specific appointments during my pregnancy.
I had never met or been seen by the doctor who walked in to discuss my ultrasound. After taking five minutes to scan me again, he told us that baby boy’s brain, heart, blood flow and weight looked perfect. Then he paused and said, “but I do have a concern.”
The next 30 minutes of the appointment were a blur. With Nick listening on Facetime and me still laying on the exam table covered in ultrasound gel, we were told our sweet boy had a very rare and serious complication that likely could turn fatal.
This doctor told us my pregnancy was now high risk, I would need weekly ultrasounds and for next steps we’d have to schedule a series of specific genetic tests and bloodwork. He also told us we should be prepared to discuss termination.
By the time I made it outside to where Nick was waiting in the car, I was sobbing so hard that I had burst a blood vessel in my left eye and the inside of the protective face mask that I’d been required to wear for the entirety of my appointment was covered in blood from a nose bleed.
All I had to take away from my 20-week ultrasound was a post-it note from the doctor with the name of the rare complication he claimed my baby was suffering from and a follow up appointment confirmed for the next week.
The next seven days were the worst of our lives. I’ve struggled with generalized anxiety disorder since childhood and nothing can compare to the all-consuming fear I felt over possibly losing my child.
For three days, I could not stop crying or get off the couch. My appetite completely disappeared and I lost nearly half of my pregnancy weight because I couldn’t keep food down. I have never experienced such extreme physical and emotional grief.
Around the same time we found out this devastating news, I started to feel baby boy move and kick. I had mixed emotions. On one hand it made me so happy and hopeful feeling him active and moving. On the other hand, it broke my heart knowing that feeling could soon disappear.
Nick finally helped me snap out of my blackhole of mourning. He pointed out that despite the isolated complication seen on the ultrasound screen, our boy was otherwise completely healthy and growing normally. Hearing him say that made me realize that I needed to fight for my son and the best thing I could do for him while we waited for our next ultrasound was to start taking care of myself.
The first step in doing that was seeing a different perinatal specialist for my follow up and finding a new OB-GYN. Just the idea of getting weekly examinations by the doctor who casually suggested we think about terminating our now 22-week unborn son was traumatizing. Even though I had never had any issues with my OB-GYN, I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling about continuing care with a practice that was affiliated with the perinatal group where I’d be forced to go for any type of ultrasound or procedure.
We spent hours last week having my medical records and care transferred to a hospital group in my Pennsylvania hometown and pleaded to get in for a follow up ultrasound and appointment with one of their top maternal-fetal medicine doctors.
On Wednesday, we got the good news that this doctor could see us the next morning and surprisingly that Nick was allowed to accompany me as long as he wore a protective mask. I had been mentally preparing myself for a long road of solo appointments and exams, so I couldn’t believe it when the receptionist told me they were still allowing partners to attend office visits. For the first time in days I felt hope.
I went into my follow up ultrasound on Thursday morning ready to hear the worst. I’ve never been so nervous and scared for anything in my life, but my appointment was night and day compared to my experience seven days earlier.
The ultrasound tech at my new doctor’s office spent 1.5 hours doing a detailed scan of baby boy during which she explained everything she was seeing. She found absolutely NOTHING. There was no complication anywhere. He was perfectly healthy and normal. I could not stop crying, but this time it was happy tears.
Afterwards we met with the doctor to review the scan and discuss any necessary next steps. He was kind, compassionate and took the time to really talk with us and answer every little question.
He said that in his 30+ years of practicing, rarely does a complication that at first appears to be a worst-case scenario actually play out. He was also very skeptical the complication observed by the previous doctor had ever existed in the first place. He told us that for peace of mind we were welcome to come in for another ultrasound in three weeks, but other than that he was giving baby boy an A+ for health. He encouraged us to take a big deep breath and put what happened at the last ultrasound behind us. After we left the appointment Nick and I both sobbed tears of joy in the car.
This experience has been a wake up call for me in many ways. Being faced with losing my baby made me realize I need to be more grateful for my healthy pregnancy. Not that I was ever ungrateful, but I had definitely been taking my thus-far easy road to motherhood for granted. During those seven days of unknown I felt completely naive and foolish for thinking that everything would just go perfectly. I still feel very guilty about the stress I put on my body and baby boy during that week.
I also learned that the word of one doctor isn’t the word of God. When it comes to medical care, I have every right to seek second, third and fourth opinions. Doctors can make errors and I need to trust my gut. No one should feel forced to continue seeing a medical professional or get procedures done at office that makes them feel uncomfortable and scared.
A few of my friends have asked me if I’m angry and plan to call and confront that first doctor… My answer is NO. I honestly wish I could forget that it ever happened.
I’m personally looking forward to continuing my pregnancy journey closer to family in my beloved home state. Fun fact: when I was growing up my mom actually worked as a NICU nurse in the hospital where I’ll now be delivering. I also volunteered there when I was in high school. Little man is going to have a Pennsylvania birth certificate like his momma!
As I near the end of my second trimester, Nick and I are going to take our new doctor’s advice and put this traumatic experience behind us. Our plan from here on out is to only focus on the positive. Our baby is healthy and that’s all that matters ❤️
Maureen says
Katie, I’m SO sorry you and Nick had to go through those heartbreaking 7 days. I had tears in my eyes as I read this because I cannot fathom how either of you felt. Praying for the three of you on the rest of this journey and sending only positive thoughts and vibes your family’s way <3
Amy Savage says
Katie,
Wow…so many emotions this. I actually don’t have to imagine your how you’re feeling…without making this about me, I want to give you hope and encouragement.
I had boy/girl twins prematurely (31 weeks, 6 days) in an emergency c-section because my son’s blood supply was abnormal and his food supply wasn’t getting to him. My twins were born weighing 2 lbs., 14 oz. and 3 lbs., 14 oz. with my son the smaller of the two. My son stayed in the NICU for 63 days because he couldn’t get milk down and couldn’t breathe without medical intervention. Long story short, they did genetic testing on him and called and told us he may not be compatible with life based on those test results. My husband and I were gutted. We felt the exact way you described Nick and yourself feeling. To summarize, it turned out to be a false positive, the cause for his breathing and feeding issues was eventually found, surgery was done, and my now-14 year old son is a beyond healthy, brilliant, thriving young man. (And my daughter is pretty spectacular, too!
Sometimes they get it wrong. I do wish your doctor would’ve handled it with more compassion, but maybe the fact that he didn’t and led you to pursue another doctor wound up being for the best. I am so happy you had a great appointment with that doctor and that he had great news for you guys. I will continue to keep you and Nick and your sweet baby boy in my prayers.
Rayne says
I am so so sorry! I can’t imagine! I am so thankful for His healthy report and your peace restored!
Carly T Young says
Holy. Moly. So sorry you had to go through this, Katie, but praising the Lord that you and the baby are happy and healthy and so loved! Thinking of your sweet family at this time, and thank you for being so open and honest with your followers! We are always here for you!
Megan says
I am so truely sorry you had to go through such a traumatic experience. Its so so scary! I am though so happy with your second ultrasound went well and you had such a kind Doctor. When I was pregnant with my youngest daughter; they told me their was something on her heart which could also indicate down syndrome and she made need surgery as soon as she’s born. I was referred to fetal specialist 2 weeks later for another ultrasound and as it turns out..after 2 weeks of tears and worrying..it was a calcium deposit. She was perfectly healthy. Its so so scary not knowing. We also live in PA too. I wish you all the best with your baby boy
Annie says
I choked up reading this. I’m 36 weeks pregnant and while I’ve only had some slight issues, I know the feeling of going to a perinatal testing center and not feeling supported and heard. I’m so glad that you guys sought a second opinion and that your new environment is the one you deserve. I can’t wait to see your baby boy in a few months!
Julie says
Katie I am so so sorry that you had to endure this! As a medical profession and fellow pregnant gal my heart goes out to you. I’m so glad you had the foresight to get a second opinion! You’re so right no one dr is 100% right and if there is anything that bothers you you should always get more opinions until you feel good about what you are hearing. Praying for you and little man! He’s so lucky to have such a strong set of parents!
Joann Orphanos Pappas says
Hi Katie, I read your story today and couldn’t help but cry over what you both went through. My husband is an OB-GYN and even though child birth is a beautiful thing, I have learned that sometimes things don’t go as expected. I am sorry for your worry, but so grateful that your baby boy is safe and healthy. Take care of yourself and focus on that wonderful day that your baby boy will be here with you both. You are now added to my prayers! God bless you and your family
Lindsay S says
I’ve been following your journey because ironically, I’m very close to you in terms of weeks (I’m 24 weeks as of this past Friday). Ironically, I do social media marketing for a job and have always thought about posting about my pregnancy and blogging about it along the way. Well my feelings on that changed after I had a miscarriage last year. We hadn’t told anyone, not even our families (I was only 7.5 weeks) and just telling the few people in our lives that we were close enough to was excruciating. I kept thinking that I couldn’t do that with a larger group of people. So this time around, we’ve been keeping it close to ourselves and I haven’t put anything on social media. We didn’t even tell our parents until we were 14 weeks this time around. We’ve slowly been telling other friends but between the quarantine and our previous loss, I have literally had no desire to post anything anywhere. It’s the weirdest feeling because I’ve always been so open about everything in my life on social media. Maybe it just comes with age and time, but at this point I just want to wait and make sure everything is okay, and then once the baby arrives I’ll be more willing to share. Anyway, my point in all of this is I can’t imagine what you must have been going through getting this (false) news. I’m so glad to hear everything is okay!
Cathie says
Hi Katie – I was so sad to hear the emotional trauma you and Nick went through – my husband and I used to live in Houston and Chicago but have now moved back to where we both grew up in Australia – we have 2 children aged 12 and 14 years. I will never forget how pregnancy at times could make you feel like you are walking on egg shells. Thank goodness everything is well with your baby boy. I love your blog and look forward to reading more about your journey. Enjoy your family!
Ioana says
Katie, I am crying tears of joy reading this! I am so happy for you three and I truly wish you all the best forward. Thank you for sharing your story with us readers.
Hellie says
Sorry you had to go through such a traumatic experience with the doctor. Many years ago we experienced something very similar being told I was in a high risk group and that baby could have downs syndrome. He basically said to us I’ll give you 5 minutes to make a decision and he left the room… We are now proud parents of a very academic, healthy 16 year old teenage daughter. Even now I often think about the words of “that” doctor and wish that I had complained about his bedside manner so no other expectant mother would have to endure what we did. Somethings in life you don’t forget ! Enjoy the rest of the pregnancy – everything will be fine x
Jenny says
What wonderful news that baby boy is healthy. At my 20 week ultrasound with my second son we learned he had Spina Bifida. Actually more specifically he had something called hindbrain herniation or a Chiari malformation that typically indicates Spina Bifida but because baby didn’t want to show his back it couldn’t be confirmed. What happened next was a blur but we went to Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia for our second opinion (we’re from CT), moved to a furnished rental within 2 weeks with our 2.5 year old and completely upended our lives for 4 months so he could have his surgery with the best. I also spent a lot of that time hospitalized myself because of pre term labor. In my case the worst was true but my son is five now and I’m listening to him sleep next to me at the moment. He has developed seizures in addition to Spina Bifida and cannot sleep alone but you’ll see when you have that baby the ferocity of your love knows no bounds and if you’re ever in a time where worst case becomes reality you will get through. It sounds like this experience although very upsetting gave you the gift of perspective and I completely agree that Doctors come in all ways because they’re human like us. Never hesitate to ask your questions and demand your answers. My husband once “offered” to physically “escort” a doctor from the room that was being rude and inappropriate and was wrong when we got a second opinion just like yours! Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy.
Branigan Barnett says
Thank you for sharing…I know your baby will be perfect and I’m so happy your outcome was different then mine! It’s been almost two weeks since I felt and held my son…Cannon Keith not a minute goes by that we don’t think about you. You were and are so deeply loved. Mommy and Daddy miss you buddy every second of the day….I haven’t quite been ready to address what happened but I know what happened to you isn’t right and we will fight for you and fight for answers. Tuesday June 20th I went in for a standard ultrasound after having a perfectly healthy pregnancy so far. Since I would’ve been 35 when I delivered I had to go to a fetal specialist for this ultra sound. Due to Covid I had to go alone. I sat and watched my son on a screen perfectly healthy bouncing around everywhere. He was perfect. After the ultra sound a doctor whom I had never met walked in and forever changed our life’s. She explained there were some soft findings on the ultrasound she was concerned with. I immediately started having a panic attack since we had early genetic testing that came back perfect (these results are typically 99% accurate) she instructed me she would like to do an amniocentesis test. She explained these are done often and have a 1 in 1000 chance of miscarriage-she explained this needed to happen to rule out infection etc or help us prepare if there was indeed something medically wrong with our son. I again was alone but called me husband to get down to hospital right away-being alone I shouldn’t be allowed in making these decisions….I was having a panic attack Uncontrollably shaking-you never think this can happen to you. I just wanted our son to be okay. You trust what your specialist say and recommend right? I did not watch the procedure on screen as they said it only took 1 minute super easy…..the doctor inserted a needle into my stomach-as she started to pull out the needle I felt panic in the room….she explained my sons heartbeat was decreasing and this shouldn’t happen….we watched for two minutes as my son struggled to breath and repeatedly just heard the words from the doctor saying “this shouldn’t be happening”….”i don’t know what happened….this had never happened before”….she sat me up and Ryan had arrived-she tried to explain what happened but really couldn’t….she made us wait an hour before checking his heart again. The next ultrasound his heart was normal and the prayers continued-the doctor again kept repeating to us how worried she was….Wednesday morning we went back to the doctor and my sons heartbeat couldn’t be found….I was admitted to hospital and after 48 hours of labor delivered him…he was absolutely perfect….we are trying so hard to pray and not be angry but there are just answers we don’t have…but I know We will not stop until We have answers. I will never understand why this happened and a part of my heart will forever be broken. He is and always will be my son. I’m not sure what I hope for in our findings but I do know this…..Cherish every second you have…cherish your family your loved ones…cherish your life…our son is in the comments…He was perfect and was taken from us way to soon….I trust that god had a bigger plan for him….